Last Saturday night I went disco skating with my sisters. It was Julie's birthday and she chose the venue - much to my approval. She was about 7 years old when I first started to disco skate and the obsession started. I can't believe that was 18 years ago. Thinking back, disco skating was probably one of the most unifying "wholesome recreational activities" that my family consistantly did...
but it just so happens that David hates it. Loathes it. Doesn't even want to go back just to humor me. Part of me wishes that I had known how much he hated it back when we were dating (back when he faked liking it) so I would have known not to even entertain a drop of expectation, not a glimmer of hope, not an inkling of a wish that he would go with me as my spouse of his own free will and choice- or at the minimum- just to see me happy.
So...
I went disco skating alone and (though I tried really hard not to) was bummed that I went alone again whilst Julie was there with her husband and Kassi was there with her husband and my cousin was there with his wife and Julie's friends were there with their husbands. Who knows, maybe all the husbands were there against their will.
Sigh...
A few weeks ago we went to a dance that my friend threw for her husband and I felt giddy and happy. But David felt odd and awkward. I wanted to dance all night. David wanted outta there. He was friendly and cheerful but clearly uncomfortable. It made me think about the things that I love that I've seldom been able to do or haven't been able to enjoy the same since I got married. It made David remember all the social torture he went through, going to dances, feeling like something was wrong with him because he didn't enjoy them. That night, I think he resolved never to have to go to a dance again. Although these things don't particularly (or shouldn't) matter very much, it feels like part of who I am is dead.
As I think about couples that I know and the interests that take over in the marriage, I have noticed that it is mostly male dominated. What I mean is that the wife (including me) embraces the hobbies and interests of her husband - not so much vice versa. Is it just me? Or do others see what I'm seeing? Doesn't mean it is bad or anything. I mean, I love scooters and I love my Vespa and it is David who brought that into my life. Most of the activities, dates and trips that we participate in throughout the year revolve around scooter rides and scooter rallies. But what ever happened to give and take?
Then again, if I hated scooters and had unhappy memories that made me never want to ride one, I know that David wouldn't try to make me.
6 comments:
Kaerlig, you know that I have always technically been your disco-skating husband.
I just wrote a cool comment, and then my computer dropped my sign in. To suffice: cool couples usually don't match. The fact that you and Dave can express how you feel about an activity says a lot, and my wife is like Dave.
So when you finally meet her, you will understand. I am still working on the Moab angle, but not getting very far.......
Danny- you know you are right- so how come you stood me up last Saturday night? I had to couple skate to Rock the Boat by myself...
Amen. Luckily, Corey and I share common interests, but I still wonder why most of my gifts involve things that he wanted. And he still can't quite get that o don't want to be camping in snow during our vacations. By the way, my post today was a joke. The mystery is real but I'll always have better things to do than sit and wait. My sarcasm wad hard to read.
Sister, I feel your pain. Yeah, why is it like that? My unfulfilled passion is all kids of outdoor recreation. I thought my husband loved that lifestyle. Nope, just computer games. Maybe I'm equally stubborn. I haven't played a nick of computer games in 12 years. At least we have our kids in common.
It's true. Greg wouldn't be caught dead in a theater. I went to my niece Tara's show by myself last month. And he despises board games. Seriously you would know how that is death to me. Lol! Ah well! In the next life I have a sneaking suspicion these things will be made up for....and there is a LOT to be made up for!!
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