Stupider (is that a word?)

By the age of about fourteen I realized that when people get older, they get stupider. I learned this by observing the adults in my own immediate and extended family. I was a very idealistic and black and white thinking teenager and I didn't understand why people made such big messes of their lives. I thought adults were supposed to know better. I watched about half of all the adults I loved fight viciously, stop talking to each other, cheat on each each other, divorce each other, carry grudges, leave the church, and break the hearts of their children. I concluded that instead of getting smarter and wiser, adults got stupider.

Being an adult, I've realized that things aren't often black and white and that issues that seemed like no-brainers to me as a teenager are actually very complex. I have learned empathy for people who struggle with weakness and temptations as I have passed through my own. My aunt B (who I love and wish I saw more of) said to me once that she knew her nieces and nephews thought she and others were so messed up...but just wait, just wait. She was so right. Kids can't go through all the turmoil like what my family went through without the cracks starting to come out in some way. I started to realized that my brothers and sisters and I didn't escape unscathed when Trevor died.

David also grew up in a family of turmoil. His dad had five children in Peru and then came to America, divorced his wife, had five more kids with a new wife (Dave's mom), divorced her and went on to marry three more times. He is a loving and wonderful dad and grandpa, but he wasn't so great at being a husband. It's been hard for my husband and his siblings to reconcile that divorce.

A few years back, David was concerned about the statistics of divorce in our country being about half. He compared our marriage to his older and younger brothers' and was worried that we would be the "screw up couple" since divorce seems to hit all families. I thought a moment and told him to hold on!... his half-siblings had almost all been through divorces already so the statistic was already satisfied. He smiled and said "You're right! It's depressing to think about but that just made me feel a whole lot better."

Now, don't you all worry...David and I are married almost 10 years and going strong. Ever stronger. It is just sad to consider how so many hopes and dreams do end in ruin and how bad choices have a rippling effect.

So, I've concluded that when people get older....they do get stupider. (At least half.)