Announcing: There Is No Announcement

Other titles for this post are:
Watched Pot
April Fools Day- You Suck!
You've Got To Be Kidding Me
This Is No Joke
My Life Is An Open Blog

April 1, 2007, I took a pregnancy test in the morning thinking it would be negative. I wanted to use it to play a joke on David and pretend I was pregnant and then he'd look at the pee-stick and ha ha! gotcha! he'd know I was tricking him. We had been trying to get pregnant again for about nine months at that time. As it turned out the test was positive. Although my joke wouldn't turn out quite as I planned, I was really happy. I was pregnant. I was so excited I dusted off my What to Expect When You're Expecting book and started thinking about boy and girl names.

A few weeks passed and I started to feel lousy and then had what seemed like a major dose of PMS and then I miscarried. It really had been a big old joke after all. After a few days of emotional upheaval, I pulled myself together. My brain made the 180 shift it needed and I headed off to the gym for some punishment. I figured fine, if I'm not pregnant, I might as well get in swimsuit shape for the summer.

A whole year passed and I didn't get pregnant again. On the one hand, I thought it was pretty convenient because we didn't have to use any form of birth control and we could have all the fun we wanted. On the other hand, I kept wondering if something was wrong with me or if something had changed. I didn't want to get too worked up about it but every month I felt slight disappointment. So I'd go to the gym. I like pounding out my frustrations or worries there.

April 1, 2008 was deja vu. It just so happened that I took another pregnancy test that morning and wha-la! I was pregnant. This was no joke. There was definitely a second pink line. I couldn't believe it would fall on that day again. I let myself get even more excited than the previous April because I figured that this one had to stick. I think that was why I was not only sad, but also angry when after a few weeks, I went through the same thing as before. Another miscarriage. What was going on? After a little bit longer than the year before, I got over it and went on with my life. It was out of my control. I pounded it out at the gym again. If I didn't have that hour of stress relief five days a week I think I would just cry. I did do a little crying but then told myself to stop it and I tried to hold on to gratitude.

So here I am one year later. April 1, 2009. I find it unbelievable and some kind of joke that I have an appointment today of all days with my nurse practitioner at Valley OBgyn. I just had another miscarriage and they are checking me out to make sure I am OK. The stupid song by Alanis Morissette Ironic pops in my head.

In January I had a positive pregnancy test. This time David was so excited that he told the kids right away. I was just as excited- though wary. The kids told a number of people that they were having a new baby. I'm not even sure who they told so I'm not going to worry about setting the record straight with everyone. I have had a lot of blood drawn lately and everything was looking just right until I went to have an early ultrasound at Maternal Fetal Medicine. Nothing looked right on the ultrasound and I was told to go get more blood drawn and when that result came back I was told to stop taking progesterone (I had been taking it due to my history) and that soon I would miscarry. I had a rocky week (or two).

A while ago my friend from high school asked if I would run the Wasatch Back on her team this June. I told her I would love to...unless I was pregnant. When I got that positive test I told her about it and that my sister would take my place. I guess now I'm back on the team and instead of having a baby, I'll be running three legs of an all-nighter race from Logan to Park City.

It doesn't seem like an equal trade.