I taught my kids to believe in Santa Claus. David didn't like the idea of teaching them to believe in someone who didn't exist and he didn't like when our kids sat on Santa's lap at the mall. I thought David just wasn't being any fun. I believed in Santa when I was a child and it didn't hurt anything. Children live in a fantasy world anyway and eventually, on their own or with the help of school friends, they stop believing. But why not indulge it for a little while? It's fun to believe in Santa.Then I wasn't so sure. Over the last few years, the kids started to make heftier demands of Santa as their list of gifts they wanted got longer and more expensive. They'd tell me what they wanted and I'd tell them not to count on it because it cost too much. They'd tell me that I didn't have to get it for them because Santa would get it. I'd tell them that it was too expensive for Santa and they'd say that nothing was too expensive for Santa because his elves made the toys. I didn't like that Christmas was turning into toys.
Little D got a train table for Christmas a couple years back and he recently announced that it is a baby toy and he wants to give it to the DI. I told him I wasn't going to give it away because I'd like to save it for other kids and besides, it was an expensive gift. He asked why I cared because he got it from Santa and it didn't me cost anything.
Ray-Ray has been asking for a $350 dinosaur for the past year. It is called Pleo. It is robotic and it can learn. I have told him for months that he can have it if he earns the money to buy it...at least half...knowing that he can't. At first he was keen on earning the money but then he gave up and instead declared that he didn't have to earn money because Santa would give it to him. I didn't think so. Ray's incessant talk about Pleo caused me to ponder whether to tell or not to tell him about Santa Claus. He is sure that Pleo is coming down the chimney in a few weeks so I decided I needed to have a serious talk with him about the probability of Santa delivering this toy. I decided to talk to all of them.
This is an outline of my Santa conversation with the kids:
1.)"In the old days there was a man named St. Nicholas who gave gifts to the poor. He represents the spirit of Christmas and all the good in the world. He represents peace and love and giving. He represents the love that Jesus has for us to give His life for us."
"Yeah, yeah" the kids said. They already know this stuff.
2.)"People liked what St. Nicholas did so they started to do it too to carry on his tradition. People today still like to pretend they are St. Nicholas or Santa Claus."
The lights are starting to turn on in Ray's brain. Little D is kinda catching on. Lou isn't paying enough attention to follow me.
3.)"There really is a Santa Claus for our family. Santa is real! But he doesn't come down the chimney or ride in a sleigh. Do you know who it is?" I say.
"Daddy?" questions Ray with a hint of disappointment.
"Daddy! Daddy is Santa Claus! Santa is real and he's our dad." I say with lots and lots of excitement. Then I ask them who Santa's elf is. Little D is catching on now.
"You are!"
"Yes! It's me. Who do you think ate all those cookies that you left last year?"
"Daddy!"
By now the kids are laughing as they think about their dad eating the cookies. They don't seem too crushed.
4.)Then I ask the kids to think about all the toys that they got all the Christmases past and I have them realize that we gave them to them because we love them. And that we like to get them fun things for Christmas. Then I tell Ray that the reason that I kept telling him that Santa wasn't able to bring Pleo is because daddy and I aren't going to be able to get that for him. We would like to, but there isn't a magic Santa with elves. There's just daddy and me. But we are going to get him some other really nice gifts.
Ray quickly becomes understanding and he starts to adjust his Christmas list. He seems more grateful and less concentrated on what he wants for Christmas.
It seems better this way. I like the gratitude. Maybe I crushed their hearts a little but they seem just fine. I hope. (I think Lou tuned me out completely and still has no idea who Santa really is.)
(picture of Santa above is from www.crosscircle.com)
13 comments:
It seems you brought it up and explained everything in perfect timing! Everything becomes more realistic when you put "santa" in perspective!!
You are such a wise mother.
i know this is the wrong message to get from your blog but i really want 350 bucks to give ray ray that dino. i wish there was a santa! you guys are great. we love you.
Beautiful explanation, Kaerlig. I've had that same internal discussion and I really like the idea of a Daddy Santa and Mama Elf. I might have to adopt your philosophy. Thanks for sharing the wisdom.
Well....I think my 18 year old still believes in Santa to look at his list.
My parents were big on Santa, and I was still a beliver at like 10. I had pretty much figured it out, but then we went to Utah for Christmas. When we got back to Washington where we lived, there were presents there. We lived literally in the middle of the woods. Nobody could have come up and delivered the gifts.
That gave me one more year. You did a good job, and it just depends on the kids and the family whether Santa is fantasy or reality.
Marty
Thanks for this post. I think I am going to run this by my husband. I feel so uncomfortable about the whole Santa thing. I think you did it is such a wise way. Well done.
We have always explained to our kids that we pay Santa for the gifts he brings. They have never asked for much. They seem to understand. I want my kids to believe in the "magic" of Santa as long as they can. I'm sure Tayson already has it figured out. I am the oldest of 5 kids. So, I was the first to "figure" things out. My Mom always told us that as long as we"believed" in Santa he would bring something for us. It worked great and I think I'll do the same.
I really enjoy encouraging my kids to climb into disguised strangers laps and whisper in their ears. Also I think it's a fantastic idea to encourage them to believe in an unseen being with supernatural powers, until they're smart enough to figure out that I was lying to them. There's no way there could be any intellectual collateral damage from the fallout of that bombshell.
Perv, who are you? Stop hiding behind your name.
Kaerlig,
You are so awesome! I wish I was smart enough to do that. My 2 boys are old enough that they both know, but poor little L wrote the cutest letter to Santa this year. I told her to make a list but that Santa only brings one toy on the list. Her list was really mild and simple except for the real unicorn!!! I don't know why, but I just love it that she thinks unicorns are real and that Santa can deliver one.
What to do, what to do...
Chelsea
I have to tell you that my mom and dad say they did the same thing when I was little... and the next year I went right back to believing in Santa. I think I wanted to believe, even though deep down I knew the truth? It doesn't really matter when you're a kid... Christmas is fun whether Santa is real or not.
Will you see this comment since it is two years ago??
Cheryl mentioned to me this post because I just made one about the whole santa thing. I love love how you explained santa to your kids! THat was awesome! I will be talking to Wade about it. But what about Lou now? Since she is older. What does she believe? Do you still put out cookies?
Will you see this comment since it is two years ago??
Cheryl mentioned to me this post because I just made one about the whole santa thing. I love love how you explained santa to your kids! THat was awesome! I will be talking to Wade about it. But what about Lou now? Since she is older. What does she believe? Do you still put out cookies?
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