Our Son

This month was special for our family because our first born turned eight. Maybe just because he is our first, each of the milestones he has lived through have been poignant for us. David and I had been married six months when Ray-Ray was conceived. David and I were anxious to start a family. Ray must have been eager to come too as he came early. He was small but strong.


The moment I first saw you,
You were a deep shade of blue
And absolutely still.
Six weeks sooner than expected,
I was a ball of anxiety
And your mother in unanticipated pain.

The doctor held you with one hand--
And I was in that hand too, because
All my soul was poured into you.
The whole world became a blur
Condensed and concentrated,
Triangulated within our family.
Time was stalled.

Then you cried.

And your cry was at once both
A declaration and a plea.
It swept over me like rushing surf,
A swelling, tidal-surge on rocky shores.
Your life asserted power over time.

And within your tiny mortal battle-cry
A fountain burst, echoed, crashed and rolled.
The room was awash in you, and
I wept at the sight.

David Hurtado


David was ready to become a father and it solidified everything that was important to him. There was no way for me to have been prepared for motherhood. It is something that can't be explained adequately. It has to be experienced. Up to that point, all my activities had revolved around myself in oblivious selfishness. When I became the mother to a premature 4 lb. 8 oz. baby that ate like a little bird around the clock, all my activities came to a pin-point focus on him.


Motherhood was daunting for me at first. He came home after a week in the nursery with a nasogastric tube for feedings. I transitioned him from tube feedings to bottle to breast but it took two months for him to choose to nurse. I think he made a choice to nurse after I broke down in sobs and David gave him a little talking-to about getting his milk from the source rather than making his mom pump so much. This little boy with great big wise penetrating eyes still has to make his own choices about everything.


Early on, David and I realized that Ray sees the world through very unique eyes. His little thinker works slightly different than the average child. His differences can be his strengths. He amazes us by his intense interest in the world around him and his desire to understand it.


The way he understands his world and our desire to understand him has helped David and I to stretch and to grow and be better.


Having a little brother is an advantage for Ray. We have raised these two to believe that their brother is their best buddy no matter what. Even though they could have their own bedroom, I deliberately have them share. If one has a friend over, they don't leave their brother out. Ray is academic and artistic whereas little D is athletic and social and I want them to strengthen and support each other rather than compete and contend with each other. Little D looks up to Ray just because he is older and is smart but at the same time little D can help Ray to "get" things that don't come naturally.


By the age of three Ray was talking about being a paleontologist. He would act like a dinosaur in the house and shape two fingers on each hand into a perma-claw. We eventually had to insist that he needed to be a boy in the house and a dino outside only.


Ray was able to attend a preschool for autism for two full years before he started kindergarten. It was one of God's miracles on his behalf and ours. Early in Ray's life, I noticed things that were different and challenging. I talked with other nurses at work and started to research autism but I didn't know what resources were available locally. Ray started nursery at church where he was observed by the nursery leader who "happened" to be the program manager for Giant Steps. Through her, my prayers and pleadings were answered and we were able to get early intervention. It was one God's tender mercies in our life.


When I look at these pictures I see how wonderful Ray is and how far he has come. He has learned to adapt and understand things that didn't come naturally the way they do for other kids. He is successful at school and a sweet and loving son.


His curiosity and his bright mind draws others to him. We all want to catch a glimpse of what he sees.



Sometimes I want my little boy back because he is growing so tall so quickly. I want to do over all the ways I messed up when I was trying to figure him out.


Gratefully, he is so forgiving and sensitive.


He was baptized on December 20, 2008. From the opening prayer to the closing the feeling of love was deep and penetrating. I know his grandparents love all their grandkids, but Ray holds a special place in their hearts and in ours.


He is his father's son. They understand each other. Ray has helped David come to know things about himself. It is strange how much a son can teach his parents.


Son, we wanted you. We waited for you all our lives. We love you.